THE SEVEN AGES OF PARENTHOOD

by Dr. Noel Swanson

Stage 1: The Desire and the Longing

The first stage of parenthood begins when the desire for having a baby is born in the heart of one or both the parents. In most cases, it is the woman whose maternal instinct begins to assert itself. Women don’t feel complete until they become mothers. So, when the biological clock starts ticking, you decide to take the step of ‘making babies.’

Act 2: The Conception

You know you have conceived when the familiar signs begin to show that include missing the period followed by morning sickness. You wonder how you will go through it, but when you feel the living presence inside, you know it is all worth it. The slight flutter turns into a kick, and you love it.

Nonetheless, the discomfort goes on increasing in proportion with the physical weight, the swollen ankles and many other discomforts.

Then, you feel the time has come. You reach the hospital puffing and panting, totally oblivious of what lies in store. It seemed it will never be over, yet when it is, it appeared to be over in a jiffy. The excitement of a baby makes you forget the pain as though it never happened at all.

Act 3: Packed Days, Sleepless Nights!

You go through an entirely new experience when you bring the baby home. The first few days/weeks are marked by sleepless nights, sore nipples, running around to get things done and dieting to lose all those extra pounds.

Every step in development is an occasion for celebration - the first time she sat, crawled, stood up and took a few steps all on her own! Even the first potty and first solid food or the first tantrum is a major event in your world that revolves around her.

Unfortunately, the nursery rhymes and nursery stories that our mothers shared with us are now delegated to the TV, and that special bedtime bonding has become a thing of the past.

First kindergarten or school: a mixed blessing. Where did my baby go?

Stage 4: Friends and Peers

How fast they change from being cuddly babies to young, independent, school kids. In some English private schools they even wear a uniform with cap and tie (for the boys)!

You may not find her jokes very funny.

You see them find their first best friend, and you are there for them when the first rejection happens. You encourage them to play in spite of the scraped knees and you listen to their unfair complaints of the other not being fair.

How hard it is to let them go - but you can’t protect them from everything.

Phase 5 - Reading, Riting and Rithmatic

Then comes the stage of serious schooling. Your child has to learn the basic skills of reading, writing and arithmetic. This may be fun and games for her or as difficult as scaling mountains. Whatever it is, you have to be patient and helpful, encouraging her at every little achievement. These are natural differences and should not worry you unnecessarily.

Just focus on the little events that will become pleasant memories, and for heaven’s sake, do not compare your child with other’s children. Each child is unique.

Time too for rules and chores, they’re not your little babies anymore!

Act 6 - Pre-teens and Puberty

Now, the difference between girls and boys becomes apparent. They all go through the phase of discovering changes in their body yet girls will be giggly and boys more cool.

Clothes. You are just SO out of date mom! No one wears that anymore! And why should it matter if my pants are hanging down by my knees? Mom, these clothes are too small!

It’s time for you to match your language with theirs but don’t go overboard. You may pick up the ‘cool’ expressions but check her when she uses the not-allowed words.

You help your little girl try on her first bra, and handle her first period. You allow her to choose her lipstick and do her make up. You help your son go through the stage of awkward limbs and a squeaky voice that breaks. You help him choose the anti-perspirant and shaving kit.

Stage 7 - Dates and Parties

The seventh stage is when the boys and girls are not so alien after all. They are drawn to each other.

Now, parents take the backseat and friends become all-important. Suddenly, parents know nothing, and they know everything.

It’s friends who matter and your relevance takes the back seat. There will be conflict of opinion; don’t lose your cool. And, above all, don’t recount what you’ve done for her. Be patient and pleasant. Be firm but try and understand her point of view and help her deal with peer pressure.

But, every now and then, you can have an amazing conversation with your new young adult - as long as you aren’t trying to lecture them.

Then, one day, the fireworks settle. The grunts turn into English again and like a phoenix from the ashes, and new (adult) human emerges - full of ideals and dreams and visions, but perhaps a bit short on confidence and wisdom.

Epilogue: Go, Went, Gone

All these years of parenthood had become a habit. You went through each phase happily and not-so-happily, but your life revolved around them. Then, one day, they’re gone! But, you still worry and hope for them.

Robert Munsch has put it rightly: “I’ll love you, forever. I’ll like you, for always. As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be” -

The years will pass so quickly. Make the most of every one of them along the way.

About the Author:

Dr. Noel Swanson has a free newsletter with expert parenting advice and also writes regularly for Yes Parenting website.

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