The Seven Stages of Parenthood

by Dr. Noel Swanson

Stage 1: The Desire and the Longing

The first stage of parenthood begins when the desire for having a baby is born in the heart of one or both the parents. In most cases, it is the woman whose maternal instinct begins to assert itself. Women don’t feel complete until they become mothers. So, when the biological clock starts ticking, you decide to take the step of ‘making babies.’

Phase 2: Heavy with Child

The missed period - am I, aren’t I? Soon confirmed by the morning trips to the bathroom to meet with you new acquaintances Ralph and Huey. But it is all worth it when you feel that first flutter - was that a kick? Was that his, you-know, on the ultrasound?

Nonetheless, the discomfort goes on increasing in proportion with the physical weight, the swollen ankles and many other discomforts.

Then, you feel the time has come. You reach the hospital puffing and panting, totally oblivious of what lies in store. It seemed it will never be over, yet when it is, it appeared to be over in a jiffy. The excitement of a baby makes you forget the pain as though it never happened at all.

Phase 3: A first time for everything

Sleepless nights, sore nipples, dieting to lose all those extra pounds. Meanwhile, the little darling can do no wrong. Look! She smiles! And she has discovered her toes! I wonder if they really taste so good?

Each little step in the growth of your child is more exciting than anything you have ever known before, whether it is the first time she discovered her toe or the first time she sat for a few seconds. Then crawling, standing, walking, articulating something that resembled a word - everything is so exciting. You write it down in the baby book with pictures and all. You feel a sense of achievement that calls for a celebration.

Then you begin to sing nursery rhymes and tell bedtime stories

And suddenly it’s time for the first play school. You send your child nicely scrubbed and dressed to school with mixed feelings - happy and worried.

Phase 4 Playgrounds, parties and alphabets.

How fast they change from being cuddly babies to young, independent, school kids. In some English private schools they even wear a uniform with cap and tie (for the boys)!

This is also the time when they enjoy cracking jokes with each other.

You see them find their first best friend, and you are there for them when the first rejection happens. You encourage them to play in spite of the scraped knees and you listen to their unfair complaints of the other not being fair.

You learn to let them go even though it is difficult - but you can’t protect them from everything.

Phase 5 - Reading, Riting and Rithmatic

Then comes the stage of serious schooling. Your child has to learn the basic skills of reading, writing and arithmetic. This may be fun and games for her or as difficult as scaling mountains. Whatever it is, you have to be patient and helpful, encouraging her at every little achievement. These are natural differences and should not worry you unnecessarily.

Just focus on the little events that will become pleasant memories, and for heaven’s sake, do not compare your child with other’s children. Each child is unique.

This is the time to teach discipline to your child because he is no longer a little baby.

Act 6 - Pre-teens and Puberty

Now, the difference between girls and boys becomes apparent. They all go through the phase of discovering changes in their body yet girls will be giggly and boys more cool.

This is the stage when parents know nothing about the ‘in things’, be it in clothes, fashion or styles.

It’s time for you to match your language with theirs but don’t go overboard. You may pick up the ‘cool’ expressions but check her when she uses the not-allowed words.

You help your little girl try on her first bra, and handle her first period. You allow her to choose her lipstick and do her make up. You help your son go through the stage of awkward limbs and a squeaky voice that breaks. You help him choose the anti-perspirant and shaving kit.

Act 7 - Adult and Grown Up

Suddenly boys and girls are not so alien after all. Does (s)he fancy me?

Now, parents take the backseat and friends become all-important. Suddenly, parents know nothing, and they know everything.

It’s friends who matter and your relevance takes the back seat. There will be conflict of opinion; don’t lose your cool. And, above all, don’t recount what you’ve done for her. Be patient and pleasant. Be firm but try and understand her point of view and help her deal with peer pressure.

Yet, if you are accommodating, you can have an amazing conversation with your new young adult. It is very essential if you want to make sure they don’t go overboard in following their peers. But, be careful; don’t even try to lecture them or you will lose their attention.

You will be surprised how soon this phase is left behind. A couple of experiences help her see substance in what you have been telling her all along. She emerges a wonderful human being full of lofty ideas and beautiful dreams, but perhaps not so confident and wise.

Phase 8 (well, who said I could count?)

All these years of parenthood had become a habit. You went through each phase happily and not-so-happily, but your life revolved around them. Then, one day, they’re gone! But, you still worry and hope for them.

You repeat the words Robert Munsch said, “I’ll love you, forever. I’ll like you, for always. As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.”

Time flies. Live every moment as though it is the only one. Enjoy your baby all along the way.

About the Author:

Dr. Noel Swanson is a child psychiatrist who specializes in child behavior problems. He writes for a fascinating website with lots of parenting tips that is well worth a visit, as well as his must-read book, The GOOD CHILD Guide.

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